At some point in their lives, everyone will face a loss. Maybe not just one, but multiple. It’s sad to say, but it’s inevitable. No one can go through life without facing a single loss. Whether it’s a pet, a family member, or a friend.
Many people view grief as a negative thing, or an inconvenience. Grief disrupts people’s schedules, emotions, and the actual grieving process can be draining.
“Grief is a natural response to loss,” HelpGuide.Org, one of the leading non profit mental health sites in the world, said. “It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.”
The emotions that a person faces while dealing with this loss are going to be different than somebody else’s. While one person is angry, another could be numb. It’s about the connection between people and how close they are with each other. That connection can affect how strong the grief hits.
“I lost my first husband (and father of my 2 children) suddenly to a heart attack, my dad very quickly to cancer and more recently my mom after an illness that in itself seemed so cruel. Each one was a very different grief,” Tammy Williams Lembke, a woman from Virginia with a deep experience with grief, said. “With my husband, the unexpectedness of it left me in a sort of shock and numb for a few weeks… when that wore off it was a very difficult pain. It was not only the death but also the realization of hopes that would not come to pass as well as helping my children deal with their grief (and dealing with the grief of their grief).”
Sometimes when grieving, it is hard to think of the happy memories with whoever has been lost. It feels as though one’s mind has gone blank of any good things a person left behind. On top of that, a sense of guilt is also common. Everyone wishes they spent more time with someone before they passed, and it can take a while to get over that guilt.
“I have so many regrets that I didn’t spend more time with him [my grandpa] and that I didn’t talk to him much,” Abby Lowe (‘27), a student through Stilly Valley, said. “He was always there for me and I should’ve been there more for him,” Lowe said.
One thing that can be hard to remember, but may help out in the long run is to know that the pain is not permanent. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it seems dark at the moment.
“Grasp every straw available to you to help you through and keep at what works for you. Even though it is hard you must feel it to heal it, so allow yourself to grieve… but give yourself needed breaks from it to laugh, smile and have some fun,” Williams Lembke said.
